Need I say any more? You all should be hooked by the title. Who wouldn’t want to read about a person in the midst of a gender identity crisis who gropes unsuspecting women at bars under the guise of delivering free medical advice? This one has Jerry Springer written all over it. I would say the title of this epic Springer episode would have to be “Duped by a Phony Female Plastic Surgeon with a Penis.” I can see all the women who were violated at the bar running out in the middle of the episode, hitting our villain over the head with a metal folding chair to the crowd’s deafening chants of, “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry…”
Of course, what better setting could we have for this kind of sordid story than a bar? A place where everybody knows your name…
Earlier this month, police in Boise, Idaho arrested a man who was making the rounds at the local watering holes, impersonating a female plastic surgeon and performing phony medical exams at the bar. At least two women claim that this transsexual groped their breasts under the guise of providing free medical advice regarding a potential breast augmentation procedure.
Boise police were contacted by employees at a local medical office after they received several calls from women looking to confirm their appointments with Dr. Berlyn Aussieahshowna (best guess at pronunciation – Aw zee ah sho nuh). We’re not talking about appointments for initial consultations here. These women were convinced that they were on the books for a scheduled surgery. Of course, there was no plastic surgeon by the name of Dr. Aussieahshowna working at this office, nor was there a doctor of this name licensed to practice medicine anywhere in the state of Idaho.
When interviewed by the police, these women explained that they had met Dr. Oshkoshb’gosh at a local bar (each woman met her at a different establishment downtown). They had seen Dr. Ozzieandharriet at the bar on numerous occasions, and they had been impressed by her vocabulary and medical knowledge. This was all it took for these poor, unsuspecting women to be convinced that Dr. WhosthamastahSho’Nuff! was in fact a genuine plastic surgeon (and a female one, no less).
I guess in Idaho, if you can talk the talk, you must be able to walk the walk. Somehow I doubt Dr. Ahseeahshownum would be able to pull off this ruse in a more sophisticated place like New York City. Perhaps at a quaint little bar in Boston? We’ll get to that in a little bit.
Anyway, after Dr. Ahshiti’mrunningoutofwittynames gained these women’s trust, she convinced them that what they really needed after their third or fourth cocktail of the evening was to undergo an impromptu breast exam to determine whether they are good candidates for breast augmentation. One woman actually disrobed for Dr. AussieshowmanAngusYoung while sitting at the bar (I’m sure the crowd went wild that night). Another woman was fondled over her clothes.
After these rather provocative bar-side breast exams, Dr. Ahshouldvetakenthebluepill provided these women with the phone number of a real plastic surgery practice in downtown Boise and scheduled an appointment for surgery.
Local Boise law enforcement launched an exhaustive investigation into the true identity of the fictitious Dr. Achtungbaby. It turns out her real name is Kristina B. Ross (it seems her original male name is not available, so her transsexual name will have to suffice). Ross has been charged with two felony counts of practicing medicine without a license. I don’t know that I would say groping a drunk woman’s boobs counts as practicing medicine, but maybe the standards are a bit more lax up in Idaho.
According to prosecutors, “the most concerning facts here are that (Ross) is not a doctor and that (Ross) is a male touching women’s breasts under the guise of being a female doctor.” You don’t say. I wonder if this brilliant sound bite will make it into the district attorney’s opening statements when this case goes to trial.
Ross, who currently considers herself a woman, was booked into the Ada County Jail as a woman and is being held in protective custody alone, most likely to ensure her safety. This might be considered an improvement from her last stint in the Ada County Jail. In 2003, Ross was convicted of aggravated battery and spent five years in a male prison (her gender back then was listed as MTF – male to female). I wonder what will happen if Ross gets to mingle with the other female inmates. Will she try to fondle their breasts as well? If so, will she get clocked upside the head? I doubt there are very many female convicts who are interested in breast augmentation.
Since next week is Thanksgiving, I am going to split this blog up into two posts. Part 2 will contain my commentary on this highly bizarre incident. You won’t want to miss it.