As the great Walter Sobchak once said, “8 year olds, Dude.”
Kerry Campbell is a 34-year-old British woman who has recently relocated to San Francisco with her 8-year-old daughter, Britney. When I tell you that there is absolutely nothing normal about poor little Britney’s childhood, I’m not being melodramatic. At the ripe old age of 8, she is being groomed to become the next huge star (her mother’s take). My bet is that she ends up pregnant before her sweet sixteen.
Last spring, Britney received a rather unconventional birthday present from her mom – her first ever BOTOX injection. That’s right. It’s your birthday. You’re 8 years old. All your friends are getting new Barbie dolls to play with. Your mom is shooting poison into your face so that you can look like Barbie.
This was not a one-time affair either. Britney now receives BOTOX injections once every three months to help her become a star. Mom Kerry explains: “I know one day she will be a model, actress, or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer….When she’s a superstar earning millions, she’ll always be grateful for what I did when she was so young.”
Can we say delusions of grandeur? But it gets worse.
Kerry doesn’t take her daughter to a board certified plastic surgeon to get these injections – most likely because there isn’t a board certified plastic surgeon on the planet who would administer BOTOX to such a young child. Instead, she buys the BOTOX online and administers the injections herself. But don’t worry about safety issues. Kerry tests the goods on herself before shooting them into her elementary school-aged daughter’s face. As if that makes this whole ordeal any less creepy.
So far, Britney has received BOTOX injections in her forehead, lips, and around the eyes. That’s right. She’s probably the first ever 8-year-old to start showing signs of crow’s feet. Call the Guinness Book of World Records.
As if this weren’t already disturbing enough, Britney has also received Restylane shots to plump up her lips. Of course, these were ordered online and administered at home as well. I’m sure Kerry did the responsible thing and tested these on herself too. It would be wrong to make young Britney the guinea pig.
Have you heard enough yet? If not, this next part is sure to go too far. But sadly, it’s true. Britney is also receiving monthly virgin wax treatments to get rid of fluffy leg hair and prevent the development of pubic hair as she reaches that stage of her life. OK, so not only do you want your daughter to have a successful modeling career, but you’re also grooming her to have the perfect porn star nether regions.
Someone needs to call Child Protective Services so that poor Britney can hold onto what small shreds remain of her shattered childhood. Michael Jackson was forced to grow up at a really young age too, and he became a supremely creepy adult. Shouldn’t we learn from his tragic tale?
Sadly, Britney has bought into the hype hook, line, and sinker. “I check every night for wrinkles, and when I see some, I want more injections. It used to hurt, but now I don’t cry that much.”
Really? I’m turning 35 next week and I NEVER check the mirror for wrinkles. And while I’m sure my eyes show the wear and tear of my third-of-a-century on this planet, I would NEVER even think about shooting them full of BOTOX. But this poor 8-year-old girl who won’t even have a single wrinkle for at least another 20-30 years is already detecting the early stages of old age in the mirror and taking drastic steps to delay the process. Well, at least she’s gotten past the crying. Otherwise, I might worry that this whole ordeal would cause serious psychological scarring.
Of course, now that she’s gotten her feet wet, she’s ready to dive in head first. Britney has made the alarming comment, “I also want a boob and nose job soon, so that I can be a star.” I don’t know any 8-year-olds who have ever said that they can’t wait to get breast augmentation. Most kids that age don’t even know what a boob job is.
I’ve read some seriously disturbing accounts of plastic surgery addiction running amok in the 2+ years I’ve been writing this blog, but this is by far the worst of them all. This poor girl has been robbed of her childhood, and now she is most likely headed towards a train wreck of a life.
So what do you think? Where will precocious young Britney be when she turns 21? My bet is on one of these outcomes:
- Stuffing dollar bills into a skimpy bra housing her surgically enhanced breasts as she spins around a stripper pole
- On the centerfold pull-out of a magazine showing hard-core porn (you know she’ll be perfectly shaved – she’s already getting waxed down there)
- Collecting welfare as a single mom with 3 kids
- Turning tricks in a back alley to score a bag of her drug of choice
One thing I am pretty confident about is that she won’t be a famous star. Most stars have talent, and they spend the bulk of their childhood practicing hours a day to get really good at their talent. Right now, all Britney is getting practice at is holding back the tears while her mom shoots her full of BOTOX.