The Brazilian Butt Lift – padding the booties of women across the world. Millions served (perhaps just thousands, I don’t have data to back this figure up). Making J Lo’s butt less and less unique by the day. Prompting more and more guys out there to want to “slap ‘dat ass!” I’m sure you get the picture. You want a big butt, get a Brazilian Butt Lift. And voila, Sir Mix-a-Lot will be knocking at your door.
If you haven’t heard of it, I’m not all that surprised. After all, not everyone is looking for a little extra junk in their trunk. But for those of you who would like to be a little more bootyliscious, you essentially have two options.
Option #1 – Buttock implants, which involve having a silicone implant permanently shoved into your butt cheek for added volume. Not only is this disgusting, but it is very dangerous. When performed improperly, the procedure can result in a serious infection or a hard, lumpy butt. Don’t do this people. I beg you.
Option #2 is equally gross, but not quite as bad for your health. It is called the Brazilian Butt Lift, and it involves having liposuction to remove a bunch of fat from another part of your body and then shooting that fat into your butt. I’m not advocating getting this procedure either, but it is certainly the lesser of 2 evils. At least your butt won’t be hard and lumpy, and your boyfriend won’t recoil in disgust when he sees the implant shift after giving you a little love tap.
Recently, RealSelf.com released a survey that shows us clearly which parts of the country are enamored with big butts. I should note that this survey doesn’t tell us how many people actually go through with the procedure, it just tells us how many people are searching for information about it on the Internet. The results are quite interesting.
It appears that the east coast, particularly Florida and Georgia, have the booty on the brain. The top five cities to regularly search for Brazilian Butt Lift information are:
- New York City
- West Palm Beach
I suppose this makes sense since most of these cities experience more bikini-wearing weather than colder parts of the country. And let’s be honest, the people in Miami are really tacky. But I am deeply saddened to see my childhood home (New York) rank #2 in butt lift searches. Really New York? This just doesn’t make much sense. If you were to tell me New York was top 5 in nose job searches, I’d get it. Many of my fellow tribeswomen received nose jobs for their Sweet 16, and I’m sure many more have sought help in taming their Jewish shnoz as an adult. But the butt lift? I would’ve thought New Yorkers had better things to fill their time with.
Booty Free and Proud of It
However, my dismay over New York’s superficial shortcomings is more than compensated for by my pride in my current hometown’s showing on this survey. The city with the least amount of Brazilian Butt Lift searches is none other than Denver, Colorado. In all fairness, I can’t actually call Denver my hometown. My true allegiances are to Boulder and Vail, where I have actually lived. But Denver is in the vicinity, and the people there are not that much different than those in Boulder and Vail. So I’ll take it. Score one for Rocky Mountain living.
Rounding out the top 5 cities engaging in the least amount of butt lift searches are:
- San Diego
Notice a trend? West of the Rockies, we tend to obsess over things other than big butts. Where I live, we spend so much time checking the snow report that we totally forget to look into procedures that guarantee a big ol’ booty. I’m a bit surprised that Boston cracked this list, but I guess maybe there are some redeeming qualities to the Massholes after all.
If you are looking into getting a Brazilian Butt Lift in the Denver, Colorado area, I should warn you that everyone will laugh at you. We are clearly not very preoccupied with such trivial matters as the badonkadonk. But if you must, then please contact Grossman Plastic Surgery today to schedule your free initial consultation.