Move over Hooters. It appears there is a new sheriff in town. A Texas restaurant chain has just trademarked the term “breastaurant,” driving a dagger into the hearts of competing chains which make their money by staffing their establishments with big-breasted, scantily-clad women. I’m not sure which is more shocking – that someone actually thought to trademark this term or that it has taken so long for someone to get around to doing it.
Of course, it should come as no surprise that the home of the breastaurant lies deep in the heart of Texas. Who else would be so brash?
The term was trademarked by Doug Guller, CEO of ATX Brands LLC, the company that owns the Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill restaurant chain. Guller has breastaurants throughout Texas, Oklahoma, and North Carolina.
Oh, here’s another interesting tidbit about Guller. Last July, he purchased an abandoned town off of Craigslist. The town is two hours from Austin. He changed its name from Bankersmith to Bikinis, and plans to turn it into a seasonal tourist destination.
Jeez. I wonder what people will do when they come to the town of Bikinis on vacation. But back to the breastaurant…
Here is what Guller had to say about his brilliant new marketing ploy:
“We’re really excited about receiving this federal trademark. Our team has worked hard over the last seven years to offer a unique experience to our fans. It just further solidifies that Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill is America’s ONLY breastaurant.”
Hmm. I’m not exactly sure how unique of an experience they provide. Sounds a lot like Hooters or Twin Peaks to me. And it likely has a ways to go before their experience rivals that of a strip club.
Of course, if Guller is truly committed to this marketing campaign, he will take it one step further and offer to pay for breast augmentation as a reward for being named “Employee of the Month.” After all, how can you have a breastaurant without flaunting a bunch of humongous silicone breast implants in the faces of customers? It’s not like people are going to Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill for the tasty burgers and wings.