Poker players beware. A new scam is trying to get you to ante up and throw your chips on the table in hopes of a big jackpot. A doctor of aesthetic medicine in New York has just introduced a new procedure that will help poker players hide their “tell” in order to create the perfect poker face. He calls the procedure “Pokertox.”
But don’t go all-in just yet. Be patient, call the doctor’s bluff, and let the hand play out. I’m pretty sure you’ll be happy you passed on this one. Not only is it a waste of money, but all the other professional poker players will laugh at you and have you run out of the pro circuit.
You’ve Got to Know When to Hold ‘Em…
…And know when to fold ‘em. How do you figure this out? I think most good poker players use a combination of gut instinct, years of experience, and careful analysis when trying to determine if their opponent is bluffing. Of course, if you are fortunate enough to pick up on an opponent’s “tell,” you can slowly bleed him dry of his money over the course of several excruciating hours.
In this situation, you can probably even ignore Kenny’s advice and start counting your money while you’re sitting at the table. I mean, once you know your opponent’s tell, this will only help you get deeper inside his head, and then it’s all over.
According to Dr. Jack Berdy, “Pokertox” will help you avoid this problem. This “innovative” procedure uses Botox to help you hide your tell so that your opponents won’t know when to walk away, or when to run.
The Flawed Science Behind “Pokertox”
BOTOX® works by paralyzing your facial muscles in order to reduce the appearance of wrinkles. But there is an unintended side effect to Botox. When your facial muscles are paralyzed, it prevents you from forming many of the facial expressions that rely on the movement of these muscles. According to Dr. Berdy, this will give you an edge at your next poker tournament.
“Some people might get a card they like or don’t like and raise their eyebrows,” said Dr. Berdy. “If that’s the common reaction, we can put BOTOX® in certain areas to minimize them.”
Dr. Berdy’s procedure can even be put to more diabolical purposes. “We can also put BOTOX® in areas to make it look like the player has a ‘tell’ they really don’t have.” In other words, even if you don’t have a “tell,” you can get “Pokertox” in order to become a better bluffer.
But what happens if your “tell” isn’t a facial tick? According to professional poker player Ellen Leikind, a “tell” is often something more obsessive/compulsive such as chatting incessantly when you have a good hand or constantly playing with your chip pile. In the movie Rounders, the climactic poker game scene turned in Matt Damon’s favor once he discovered John Malkovich’s Oreo cookie “tell.”
In these instances, you can get “Pokertox” until you are blue in the face (or maybe just frozen in the face), and you will still lose.
What a silly man, this Dr. Berdy. His solution only solves the problem some of the times. And even when it does, it is a much more expensive solution than buying one of those big, floppy hats and a pair of oversized sunglasses that will obscure your facial expression.
To find out the professional poker community’s reaction to “Pokertox” as well as my must-read commentary, please read Part 2 of this post.