I suppose there are holidays to commemorate everything. Apparently there is even one to honor cleavage.
Big breasted women across the world were rejoicing last week in celebration of National Cleavage Day. Whether your big knockers are all natural or you sport humongous breast implants, March 30 is your day – the day we pay tribute to your cleavage.
And if you felt left out this year…well, you can always get breast augmentation before National Cleavage Day 2014.
Fun Facts about Cleavage
The annual cleavage holiday began 13 years ago in South Africa. And before you start hating on men for creating such a ludicrous observance, I would like to point out that it was started by Wonderbra.
Not surprisingly, National Cleavage Day is much bigger in Britain than over here in the United States. In fact, Wonderbra surveyed more than 1,000 British women in an attempt to discover the essential criteria for the perfect cleavage.
Here is what they found:
- The perfect length for a cleavage line is 2 inches
- The perfect place for cleavage to sit on the chest is 6 inches from the chin to the start of the cleavage line
- “Circular” is the ideal breast shape to create the best cleavage
Wonderbra even created this great visual chart to put it in perspective for you. These are Brits, so unfortunately everything is in centimeters. But you’ll still get the point…
This survey also unearthed a few interesting trends regarding how those crazy Brits like to flaunt their cleavage:
- 40% of women are Confident Cleavagers (they proudly show their cleavage every day)
- 26% of women are Closet Cleavagers (it’s like trying to catch lightning in a jar, because these women almost NEVER show you their cleavage)
- 34% of women are Part-Time Cleavagers (you might also call them Weekend Warrior Cleavagers, because that is the only time you get to see it)
Wonderbra’s Cleavage Honours List 2013
Of course, no National Cleavage Day would be complete without revealing Wonderbra’s Annual Cleavage Honours List (editors note: I kept the silly spelling to “honour” the crazy Brits who created this ridiculous list).
Keep in mind that this is a Bustiest Brits list. If you are not up on your British celebrities, you may find that you have no clue who these people are (I only knew one name on this list).
Wonderbra has bestowed the titles Officer of the Breast Empire (OBE), Commander of the Breast Empire (CBE) and their highest accolade, a Cleavage Knighthood, to each of these women for their services to cleavage. The top 10 cleavage bearers of 2013 are:
- Holly Willoughby – Cleavage Knight (she took top honors for the 2nd year in a row)
- Carol Vorderman – Cleavage Knight (2nd place isn’t too shabby for a woman in her 50s – perhaps a breast lift has kept the sagging away?)
- Cheryl Cole – CBE (her cleavage almost gets swallowed by all that bling)
- Pippa Middleton – CBE (???)
- Tulisa – CBE (is that blood dripping onto her cleavage?)
- Rylan Clark – CBE (man boobs!)
- Helen Flanagan – OBE (is she obsessing over her cleavage or her belly button?)
- Lucy Mecklenburgh – OBE (going for that stretched cleavage look)
- Katherine Jenkins – OBE (is she at the Kenducky Derby? Where’s her mint julep?)
- Sam Faiers – OBE (sorry, no picture so no witty remark)
In addition, Wonderbra inducted Michelle Keegan into the Cleavage Hall of Fame. Congrats Michelle on that hard-earned achievement.
Cleavage Tunes
This is probably my favorite part of the National Cleavage Day Celebration. Spotify compiled a special Cleavage Day playlist to make sure you keep breasts on the brain. I had no idea there were so many tunes about cleavage:
- “My Humps” (Black Eyed Peas)
- “Milkshake” (Kelis)
- “Brick House” (Commodores)
- “Brimful of Asha” (Cornershop)
- “Bosom of Abraham” (Elvis Presley)
- “Whenever, Wherever” (Shakira)
- “Bosom Buddies” (Mame Soundtrack – Lucille Ball and Beatrice Arthur)
- “Jackie Big Tits” (The Kooks)
