Logic dictates that breast augmentation should be performed on your breasts, right? Well, apparently Lane Jensen never got that memo.
I suppose you can say that what Jensen did was technically breast augmentation since the operation did enhance the appearance of female breasts. Of course, it would be even more accurate to say that since they were only a picture of female breasts tattooed on his leg, that he was actually just sticking a silicone breast implant in his leg.
And that’s just plain stupid.
Jensen, a Canadian tattoo artist and editor of a body art magazine, felt his tattoo of a voluptuous cowgirl stripper wasn’t proportioned properly. Sure, she was a sexy beast, but she wasn’t as well endowed as he had hoped. This lady wasn’t going to get top dollar dancing on a pole. No sir. Not without some breast implants.
I’m sorry, I mean leg implants. Or is the technical term leg boobs? This is such novel territory for me. I don’t even know how to describe it. Well, that’s not entirely true. I think I hit the nail on the head the first time I tried to describe it – stupid.
The Lovely Lady on His Leg
I’m not sure “lovely lady” is the correct way to depict the woman immortalized by his tattoo. Maybe “tortured soul” would be a bit better? How about “sassy stripper?” Regardless, I feel pretty confident in saying she has the biggest chest in the Wild West.
Even before she got a little help from Sheriff Silicone, she had some stripper/porn star-like proportions. It looks like her bust size is twice as large as her waist size. I think it’s safe to say Lane Jensen isn’t a butt guy.
I would also venture to guess that Jensen likes mysterious women. I mean, we can’t even see her eyes with that wide-brimmed cowboy hat obscuring half of her face (her messy “I just had sex” hair covers most of the rest of it). All we can really see is her pouty lips, which doesn’t tell you much about her other than that she may have a bit of a mean streak.
And then there’s her outfit. Her garters and thong are being held up by what looks like two gun holster straps. Scandalous for any time period in American history. And her top barely covers those busting-out breasts.
Our Canadian tattoo artist is infatuated with cowgirl strippers from the Wild West. How dirty.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t really think this tattoo needed a breast implant. I think whoever drew it did good job at giving her a rather massive chest befitting a woman of ill-repute. All the implant did was give Jensen a lumpy leg. Most likely, that was all people could focus on when they saw the absurd protrusion sticking out of his pants (no, he’s not happy to see you – this protrusion is coming from his calf).
Fortunately for the rest of us, breast implants aren’t meant to live in a leg. Several weeks after the procedure was performed, the breast implant ruptured. Apparently, his body rejected the implant. I guess it liked the lady as she was originally drawn.
One night, Jensen noticed that the sutures by the implant incision location had split and large quantities of lymphatic fluid were oozing out of his leg. “There was so much fluid in there,” he said. “I went back to the studio and pushed on it gently – the implant shot right out.”
And so ends one of the weirder body art experimentations of our time. Let’s just hope Jensen doesn’t put a sexy lady on his butt. Otherwise, his 3D body art may make it hard for him to sit down.