Here’s a story from the vault. In other words, it has been circulating for quite some time, but I only first came across it recently. In fact, you may have heard about this sometime in the distant past. If so, I apologize for reporting on something that is old news. But congratulate yourself on the rare occasion that you are more in the loop on bizarre plastic surgery mishaps than yours truly.
Courtney Love’s life has been anything but ordinary. After all, she did choose to marry the most mentally unstable rocker from the grunge era. But this post is not about kicking the dead carcass of Kurt Cobain. It is about laughing at what Courtney Love’s dog did to the carcass of her breast implant.
At some point in time, Courtney Love had breast augmentation – a logical decision by a female rocker who needs sex appeal to compensate for her lack of talent. But it seems that she eventually experienced buyer’s remorse, and chose to have them removed.
So far, this story is fairly normal. But here’s where it starts to go off the deep end and enter the realm of weird…
For some reason, she chose to keep her breast implants as a souvenir. I’m not sure why she thought it would be a good idea to have a couple of bloody, nasty bags of silicone lying around her house. Maybe she needed a new paperweight (Ozzy Osbourne can attest to the fact that breast implants make great paperweights).
Maybe she suffers from carpal tunnel syndrome, and squeezing a few hundred cc’s of silicone every day helps reduce the pain. Maybe she’s just a vain, narcissistic rocker. She wouldn’t be the first.
Regardless of the motive, the fact remains that Courtney Love chose to keep her old breast implants in a place where her Pomeranian dog could get to them. Not the smartest choice of resting places, but then again no one has ever accused Courtney Love of being brilliant. One day, her dog ate one of the breast implants and died.
So comical, yet so sad. I don’t know what to say about this. I feel really bad for her poor dog, but at the same time, “death by breast implant” is a phrase that makes me chuckle.
Controversy over the Source of the Implant
But the story gets even weirder. Her press agent, in an attempt to minimize the ridicule that would inevitably accompany this bizarre event, released a statement claiming that Love’s dog was not actually killed by her implant. Instead, the poor Pomeranian met its maker at the hands of a Mexican bootleg breast implant.
Huh?
So not only did Courtney Love hold onto her own breast implants after they were removed from her body, but she also procured a bootleg set from south of the border? Why?
I didn’t even know that there was a black market for Mexican breast implants. Are they smuggled into this country on the backs of illegal immigrants carrying copious amounts of Mexican drugs? Maybe it wasn’t silicone contained in these Mexican bootleg implants. Maybe it was lots of liquid cocaine (if there even is such a thing as liquid cocaine).
This whole story makes me think of the scene from Up in Smoke where Cheech and Chong drive across the border in a van made out of pure THC. Maybe this bootleg implant was made in the same place. Can’t use the old THC van trick anymore, it’s been in a movie. May as well try a breast implant.
But there is another important question to ask here: Does it really matter whether the dog was killed by Courtney Love’s implant or a Mexican bootleg breast implant? Either way, the poor dog ate a bunch of toxic silicone and met an untimely demise in a rather unconventional manner. And either way, the dog earned the epitaph “Death by Breast Implant” on its tombstone.
