I may talk a lot of trash about these things, but I have to admit it – sometimes breast implants can be pretty darn useful. Like if you are ever stabbed in the chest by your ex-fiancé’s psychotic new girlfriend.
There is no information about what caused the new girlfriend to become so irate. Perhaps our victim had one last romp with her ex for old time’s sake. Perhaps the new girlfriend is jealous of the victim’s perky new boobs and was afraid they might lure her man back for round 2. And of course, there is always the possibility that this woman is just bat shit crazy.
Incidentally, the attack was carried out with a pocket knife. That lends more credibility to the bat shit crazy theory, don’t you think?
Whatever the reason, this woman seemed pretty worked up on the day of the attack. She started out using her trusty pocket knife to scratch the victim’s car. Eventually, she decided the carnage to the vehicle wasn’t satisfying her. At that point, she unleashed the knife on the victim, stabbing her repeatedly in the left side of her chest.
Luckily, our victim had just undergone breast augmentation three months ago, and apparently this might be what saved her life. After getting over the shock of the blood spurting uncontrollably out of her chest, she realized that her breast implant also punctured after getting soaked with saline.
Doctors said the breast implant had just enough saline in it to stop the knife from piercing her chest. “When you stab it (the implant), it gives a little,” said the doctor. “It probably gave and couldn’t get through it (the implant), then it went through it and couldn’t go through the back wall. She would have had a collapsed lung or the knife would have hit her heart.”
There is another way to look at this situation. If she had gone for silicone breast implants instead of saline implants, the pocket knife might have gotten stuck in the cohesive silicone gel and caused even less damage. Seems to me this woman blew it big time when she chose saline.
While the warranty typically doesn’t cover rupture by pocket knife, the breast implant manufacturer has graciously agreed to cover the cost of her replacement implant since she was the victim of a crime. Maybe she should think about going a little bigger in case the crazy new girlfriend comes back with a chainsaw.
Poor Choice of Weapon
Before we start praising the resilience and life-saving properties of this breast implant, let’s keep in mind that the attacker’s stabbing weapon of choice was a pocket knife. If it were a Leatherman, I’d say OK. Those things are at least sharp and pointy. But your typical pocket knives are a poor choice if you want to viciously stab a woman in the chest.
Perhaps she should have considered one of these other common household alternatives:
- Butter knife – Too dull. I’d say a pocket knife would be a better alternative, which isn’t saying much.
- Steak knife – Serrated edge could be used to tear open the implant, making it easier to use the pointy tip to gouge out her insides.
- Butcher knife – Now we are talking. This thing is a real weapon. I’ll bet a butcher knife would’ve even destroyed a silicone implant, and our victim might not have survived at all.
- Meat cleaver – Ah, the perfect weapon. Specially designed to slice through meat. Breast tissue would be no problem.
I suppose we’ll never know what would’ve happened if our attacker had chosen a butcher knife or a meat cleaver. But one thing is certain – the pocket knife made for a much better story.
