For those of you who think beauty pageants are a dying breed, you are sorely mistaken. They are alive and well, generating large sums of money and garnering major headlines in the news. Admittedly, this media attention may be aided by recent beauty pageant scandals, but regardless, they are still making many people across the country take notice.
Last year, the Miss USA pageant hogged the media spotlight for at least a month thanks to the controversies surrounding their runner-up, Carrie Prejean. The Miss California contestant shocked judges and audiences with her harsh condemnation of same sex marriages, and then she became the focus of a scandal when it was discovered that the pageant’s promoters paid for her breast augmentation.
I suppose in the beauty pageant world, bad press is good news. It creates a smokescreen for these farcical competitions, diverting attention from the fact that they are responsible for thousands of young women developing severely crippling body image issues.
While we have all heard of the Miss America, Miss USA, and Miss Universe pageants, many people may not realize that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of smaller beauty pageants held each year that do not receive major national media coverage. Some of these competitions have a more specialized focus. One new pageant addition this year rewards women who will spare no expense to purchase their beauty.
That’s right. We now have the first annual Miss Plastic Surgery pageant. Can you imagine all of the trashy women with teased hair, F cup breasts, Angelina Jolie lips, and Jenifer Lopez butts that are lining up to compete for the crown of “Miss I Paid Top Dollar for My Fake Body?” There is probably so much collagen at this competition that contestants may actually be confused with wax statues.
The Miss Plastic Surgery pageant will crown winners for best breast implants, facelifts, liposuction, and most likely a variety of other plastic surgery procedures. I wonder if you would have to show before and after photos of your mustache to win the Miss Laser Hair Removal crown. A category for Miss Varicose Vein Removal? Can we get any more disgusting than that one?
The competition’s promoters are touting the pageant as an opportunity for women who have subjected themselves to extensive plastic surgery to celebrate their newfound beauty. Fair enough. But doesn’t that equate to something along the lines of “I have more money than you so I can buy better boobs?”
All contestants must submit medical records along with their vital statistics. This will ensure that women cannot cheat by entering and winning on their natural beauty. That would make a mockery of all of the contestants who spent inordinate amounts of money to look the way they do. Could you imagine losing the Miss Breast Augmentation title to someone with real breasts? That would be humiliating to say the least.
But to be honest, the real winners of this competition should be the plastic surgeons. If your patient is crowned Miss Tummy Tuck, shouldn’t you receive some of the prize money? After all, if it weren’t for your handiwork, this woman would not be holding a bouquet of roses, flaunting a million dollar smile, and screaming at the top of her lungs that this is the best moment of her life.
It is too bad that men are not allowed in this competition. It would be very funny to see a Mr. Man Boob Reduction category. The winner could be awarded a giant “manzier” which would be presented by Cosmo Kramer and Frank Costanza.
It is too late to go under the knife for the first annual Miss Plastic Surgery pageant, but if you act now, you can get ahead of the curve for next year’s competition.
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